articleWHAM

Our children spend at least half of their lives living with us, watching our every move every day. We might not be aware of it, but as they grow our children also absorbs the things that make us tick, both in good and bad ways. Kids are very adaptive of their environment, so do not be surprised to hear your daughter answer back with the most overwhelming argument.

Almost all parents try to control their emotions and bite their lips. However, there are some parents who are not really good at holding back and unleash their inner monsters quite easily. If you are one of the many parents whose weakness is poor emotion control, you are not alone.

Losing your temper easily translates into shouting at your kids, calling them names, slamming things on the counter, increasing the consequences beyond necessary, and depriving them of their basic needs such as dinners to serve as a punishment.

Parent and child struggle happens almost every day, over almost anything. For younger children it could be as small as getting dressed, playing with matches, eating vegetables, and being verbally rude. For older children and teenagers, the problems become more socially inclined and are usually about proper behavior outside the house, helping the the chores at home, and lying.

The ultimate reason why parents get easily mad when their kids do not follow what they say is that they get trapped in power struggles with their kids. When you allow yourself to be eaten by power struggle, regardless of your child’s age, your emotions will be harder to control and you will find it more difficult to get out of the struggle.

If getting angry and losing temper help make children more equipped and productive, then perhaps parenting will not be as hard. Parents would then have to simply wait until their children gets into their nerves, yell at them, and in a snap, their children grow up changed and mature.

Losing your temper and taking things personally does not work. It is ineffective because the root of the problem gets lost in the heat of the argument, and it is left unsolved after all energy has been used for yelling and screaming. When you get angry, instead of learning the essential problem solving skill, your child gets nothing but power thrusts from you.

Look at it this way: if you have problems with your child’s behavior and all you do is pound them with bigger hammers, your kids are going to develop bigger nails. You have to understand that learning how to solve problems and manage emotions is the primary task of childhood. And if you do not teach that to your child, it would be hard for other people, even a therapist, to pick up the pieces.

Searching for parenting help? We highly recommend The Total Transformation Program for parents dealing with Abusive Children. Check on the link for more information.